Dad went to work. Mom’s hom. I’m still unemployed. If I sound like a whiney bitch it’s because I am one. But eh, I mean, there’s a lot wrong with the world; a lot to whine about. Wine/whine. Whichever.

I like to think my computer skills are not too bad. But you know, there’s so much I don’t know, and I just know these interviewers are looking for like, people with computer science degress, PhD’s in informatics, that kind of stuff. I don’t stand a chance. Especially if I can’t even study because, as of now, I’ve diagnosed myself with a learning disability. That’s right, folks! I’m A+ stupid, and I can’t un-stupid.

It’s hard to enjoy the LITTLE THINGS *fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck* when your cortisol levels are literally, as measured by a science lab, like legitimately, 6x higher than the max recommended level for male adults. Wtf wtf. At least I have an excuse for swearing all the time. [He doesn’t.]

This blogging thing is not going so well. I’m sorry for that. This was supposed to be a lot of fun. Somehow I feel like I ruined it. If you want to smack me with a frozen cyber-salmon by all means be my guest.

So now I have a beefed up server with no way to serve, swanky linuxy torrent stuff with no torrent addresses, and all the time in the world but no friends to spend it on. I’ve done a lot. Don’t think I haven’t been working on my hobbies in the background. I made like four MTG decks and reorganized my cards in the last two days. I’m learning 5 languages (not computer languages, like real languages) (slowly), I started and am keeping a budget (very, very useful tool–highly recommend budgeting to anyone with financial problems; at the least it will calm your nerves, if not actully save  you some money). I don’t cook that much cuz mom co-opts the kitchen like as soon as she gets home from work. She always tells me to cook but then as soon as she gets home she like, just jumps in the kitchen and cooks, so I don’t get it–does she want me to like contribute to America’s food waste problem or something? Fill our overfilled fridges and freezers? (we’ve got two of each! neat, huh? one and one backup) even more? I don’t get her. She’s so… Russian. It’s so weird. She doesn’t have like any observable passion, just bitches about her job and cooks. She likes tea, cats, the garden, and uh, I guess that’s it? So is she, like, a normal person? I don’t get it. Or am I overly ambitious? I want to do so many things in life. I don’t understand. What is passion even for if the world is so against you, though. I’m not sure.

Blogging was supposed to be a lot more fun. I don’t understand what went wrong. I’m angry at everyone all the time because I feel as if people are against me, like condescending and crass and at my throat for like, menial things like cussing off (this is my personal space, remember? and in the States we have a thing called “freedom of speech”, though it’s not always upheld) (sorry if you’re from another country; I guess blogs are international waters? Or, where is WP headquartered anyway? I feel like for sure I’ve asked this question before).

Anyway somehow I managed to get the fan in my lappy to quiet down (it was on max for like a month–mega annoying when you like leaving your lappy on (for whatever reason I like leaving my lappy on?)), so that’s nice. Friendly old linux computer hackers on the webosphere doin it a justice. One line of corrupt code at a time. Har de har har. n.n~

I wonder what this will look like. Let’s try it out. Okay so this: n.n<3

Was that stupid?

I’m so suppressed. No one likes my freedom. Mega infringed right. So many people are gonna get so royally fucked when this police state ends and sanity returns to the gov’t. Not that I’m saying the politicians in power are totally insane, but they’re totally insane. Mostly all of them, all mostly of the time. I’m not sure if I’m serious or not about this but I have to say it. What else is there to be angry at if not people super protected by power and money and loyal zomboid armies?

Want me to share a photo from our garden? I will some time. Hold on let me check if I have anything on my hard drive as we speak…

No I haven’t uploaded from the camera lately. I will next time–promise! (But be warned; my promises are fickle and renegotiable!) Oh btw I’ve got a Canon EOS Rebel T5, Holly, so we’re like photography buddies! Basically. It’s a non-negotiable relationship. As with all blogging neighborhoods, I annoint thee blogging neighbors.

Well that was silly.

The California government sent me $1780 for being unemployed just recently. I mean I’ve been getting checks in the mail but I haven’t gotten one recently, they sent a bunch upfront for some reason instead of a steady stream. I don’t know which way I prefer? The cap for unemployment FOR ME (it’s based on your previous income) is approx. $11k/yr—

WHY am I getting so many phonecalls. This is disturbing. Am I so wanted on the job market? I know, I know–I was good as a lab monkey. But you know, I’m enlightened now! I don’t want to pipet a single drop of DNA ever again. At least not, no, never mind, never. Just automate it, fools. It’s super simple. Get some robotics PhDs to start a company, invent some swanky gear, and FIRE all the gene jockets, lab monkeys, biochemistry baristas, etc. etc. It’s a completely obsolete career. No point. In FACT I’d go so far as to say that anyone with such a job has less job stability than they think. Ho-ha! There. Take that, gene jockeys!

Yeah. Blogging was supposed to be a lot of fun. I don’t get it anymore. It’s not fun.

I’m sorry. Allow me to stare at the tree out my window some more romantically as I brood over how shitty this hobby has turned out to be.

But definitely, photos next time.


I don’t think I understand what computers are for. There’s mostly nothing to do at a computer. It’s for like office work, and brainless 5-year-old peepee pants garbage entertainment that rots ur mind, and that’s about it, I guess? I mean like, all computer games are bad and poorly designed, Youtube is a trashfuckfecesfest, um, you can read stuff? But I hate reading it’s not worth my time. All music is lacking in musicality and originality. What else? Like, I can’t think of a thankin damn thing to do at the computer. Why do I even own one. Blogging would be better off without me. Maybe then I would have some real hobbies.

Having said that, just found some dream jobs in Europe that I don’t qualify for (generally enough years of experience, but not the right kind of experience (just a bit off, different language, different software suite, that sort of thing)). Kind of a bummer. I can only work remotely though cuz my mom wants to police me to keep me safe from my brain disease (pretty stupid and fucked up, but she’s been going for a while–like ever since she was born), which I accept, seems like a reasonable safety net, have heard many people who are psychotic or whatever often need moral support.

It’s 5:20:53 AM and I have already had 2 beers.

Wish me luck!