Woke up throughout the night multiple times for about an hour or so at a time. Quite restful wakefulness, though. Just paying attention to the delusions, listening to the whir of the server’s/router’s fans. It’s a good system, I just have to input some more commands to control it and make it do more. I’m sure you understand.
Need to clip nails again. Paychecks in my cubby. Pocket references. I’ll get bored of it but for now I look to the left when pondering. I wasn’t sure, whether or not to ponder, or to include that I ponder, but I suppose, I shall learn to make decisions some day. I have a new book I need to read. Short story collection of noir mysteries. Reading.
I think I need to switch my psychiatrist. There’s just too much tension between myself and the current. Hopefully someone in a town nearby which I am fond of, instead of the city. I don’t know if my health insurance carrier has mental services in the town I have in mind. Hmm.
Well anyway. The voices weren’t a problem last night but they’re starting to get annoying now. They don’t want me to like, have fun or do frivolous things. I’m not sure why; no one really gets hurt. Anyway. It’s tough. I’m supposed to play tennis with family later today. I suppose I’ll attend. I think I’ve been losing weight; I mean, I was starting to get fat, so I took some actions (tracking weight, dieting, exercise kinda) to control it and it seems it worked. Also a lot of it was not fat but digestive issues (like bloating) so some fiber supplements, though not pleasant, did seem to relieve this. Because you’re a doctor, right? I’m sure you’re interested in all these disgusting details. I do apologize.
I don’t know what else to say. I’m tired of trying so hard. I need to get a job. Living with family makes me soft. Ideally I would… well I don’t know anymore.