So we got hard work, hard work, lack of art, and people who hate us on all sides.

I’m not sure what to do.

The situation seems dire.

I still really don’t want to sue my psychiatrist (new) tomorrow morning but we’ll play it by ear.

Plus it’s like helluv expense.


Had a bout of useless, agonizing thought. Thinking is so useless.

Two glasses of wine.

Cooked asian yams for lunch & dinner (one instance of cooking, two meals, the same food–reminder: one instance of cooking). Etc ingredients were involved.

I’ll probably write a book.

Spikes of pain are back.

Tennis this weekend if it’s psychologically feasible.

Neighbors are not very nice people to exist around.

I’d rather eat humans than be friends with them.

Django is fucking hard. But it’s a “wise investment”.  ;-|


My family is really hard to live with. The house is always v. tense and I definitely consider it domestic abuse, but I think everyone hates me so much they just don’t want to listen to what I have to say so they more or less just kind of deter me from speaking. Which is unfrotunate b/c I yam hilarious.

No one to shoot the shit with. Writing is the only source of flow. This is going to be very difficult.

Way too much psychology. I don’t know why.

Ecology is fucking fascinating. Organisms eating other organisms, at their expense and benefit, respectively.

People are so fucking stupid I have no idea how anyone is more successful than me. This is absolutely fucking ridiculous.

But thanks anyway.

Quoting someone when they were hazing you in the contrapositive with omissions is too indirect?

Well anyway. I stand by my word: No one can take a dis.

Which implies everyone is suddenly an egomaniac.

Exc-fucking-ept me.

Principles of deduction hold. Utilize at all costs. Medical: Corrupt. Establishment: Redundant. Flow:

I don’t particularly feel like speaking with my new ass-rapist lesbian psycho-chiatrist tomorrow morning. She barely even contacted me and I’m already getting bad (read: megalomaniac) vibes already. It’s most unfortunate.

I don’t like this species. I’m not particularly fond of it.

Bomb it.

I’m talking to the aliens.

About the Earth.

The sad truth is… I all really love you… so much… that I wish you would leave me alone.

I hear way too many voices to be a productive member of society. Your economic downfall!

Some obligatory asides: Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you etc.

It’s kind of stupid to expect someone to get RMI from hate.

Theory of the evening: “Nope; not allowed.”

The only way I can see to deal with garbage is with hate speech. That’s about it. Kill the garbage.

It’s too loud. It’s garbage. It’s human. Bomb it. Referring to the Human Earth. With disrespect, annihilating all parties and joy. It’s just not worth it.

So anyway. Here’s some more evidence. I throw this at the lawyers.

Plz plz plz sue my health insurance company. It is not accessible.

Personal opinions on your blog: Not allowed (pass it on).

The body gestures are very important because there are more homicidal sucidal ideations than there are homicidal or suicidal ideations.

I see Fullar is still a crack-head.

Major loss.

My meds don’t work. They don’t stop people from being totally fucking stupid in my face at all times.

I just need to escape this society and live somewhere with nice people.

David Foster Wallace is already dead; just eat shit already.

We can write about that: Japane, eh? Where the technology doesn’t actually work and the drugs are too strong.


Squeaked that one out in just a nick of time.

And I do mean that.

It is unfortunate that my book is turning into a blog post and the candy is leaking out my ass. I don’t really want my biology exploited against me but my muscles grow stiff and I am weak of mind in precept so I suppose the aliens are doing what I said they should do. Win-win situation.


Bored, leaving.


To whomever I insulted by bashing on SQL, I take it back: It is a real, legitiate computer language, just like any other.


Just wanted to share some photos from our garden!:


Cheese is awesome.

But beyond that, mom made these three copies of a very good sandwich. They were copies of themselves. She did not copy someone else’s recipe. The recipe was/is her own. It is something like, portobello on sliced whole weat with seed bread, little mayo, white onion slices, lettuce, few slices tomato, havarti cheese one slice, no bread on top. You hold it with your fingers on the havarti on top, and of course thumbs underneath the bread underneath. Yes, your fingers get oily, but then you just wash them afterwards! It tastes/tasted so good. I ate one earlier today, then the other two were placed in the fridge, and since I am awake and have nothing to do, I raided the fridge, busted the other two instances of sandwich out, and ate (them).



Today ended up going pretty well. I decided to quit vaping, which was nice. I ate healthy meals, without overeating. I did my morning weights. Yeah, I mentioned it wasn’t going so well, but I was able to work through some of the computer programming learning stuff I wanted to, play cards with brother in the evening, and the nicotine lozenges really helped. Still help. Going to the park really turned things around. Super cleared my head.

Unfortunately, now I have insomnia, or so it seems. Not the restless delusional horrific kind, just, a little too much energy to fall asleep.

I’ve said some nasty things online. I wonder A) If people I care about know, and B) If they’ll forgive me, or if our relations will just be kaputsky. I am not so sure. I have never really fucked up in my life (ever, now that I think about it), so I don’t really know much about forgiveness, how forgiving people are, who is, how much who is, when to expect it, if ever, how to negotiate it, things like that. Or am I getting it all wrong?

Well anyway. At least I’m not a belligerent drunk atm. That’s nice.