I don’t know what to do now. I did my usual lust fulfillment, now it’s like, eh, not sure what to do. I should go to bed but not that sleepy. Sleepy sounds like a childish word. Not sure what would be an acceptbale replacement. Episode still kind of going on. As is the stomach […]

Father wants to hurt me. I don’t know if this is a delusion or deep down inside true. He probably wants to hurt everyone deep down inside, like a fucking Nazi. The joint pain is back, making it difficult to sleep. Everything has ramifications, and usually they are negative for me. I need more positivity […]

I think, in my subconscious, if you believe in that, I was frenetically worried about being behind on my self-discovery, being level-drained even, so to speak. I don’t think it’s anything to be worried about. We all progress at different rates, and some of us regress. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Father’s ears downstairs […]

I wonder if I should make myself some ginger tea. Father always wants me to pay attention to him too. He’s always grabbing for my eyeballs. There’s not much to pay attention to but problem.

Ugh I feel te– *goes to bathroom to puke*– Still nothing comes out. My stomach is killing me but I can’t throw up this time. It’s stuck. I feel bad eating mother’s wonderful cooking and now I’m going to throw it all up. I think some has digested. Wow I’m in a lot of pain. […]

I don’t have anything to do. Writing seems like a useful hobby. But I could be misguided in that regard. I think it’s useful. It helps you organize your thoughts and take notes and record things that may be important later. I think the keyword search tool on this site works, too, so finding things […]

Yeah, I don’t have anything to do right now so I’ll be bloging some more until I get sleepier. I took 10 mg melatonin that should help. Father is dangerous. I don’t feel safe at home.

One delusion I have is that father has lied to everyone I know and see on a daily basis that I am a bad person, and they all believe him and take it out on me. Psychically, of course. But I know it’s a delusion, which the doctors say is important. But I still, it’s […]