I’m worn out. I don’t know if I can focus at all today. I don’t feel like I can. My kratom cravings are at a minimum, which is such a relief / a Godsend. Fighting them took up so much energy.

I am wondering if I should just call it quits and play Magic for the rest of the day. It’s not fun, per se, but it is grossly engaging.

I probably won’t even try working on the Unity game today. It doesn’t look like a good day for productivity so why even bother struggling. It’ll just make me stressed and tired.

The soft world. The gentle world. Nice people exist. There is hope. There are others like us.

Mother is sleeping to prepare for work now. She didn’t sleep this morning after getting back from work, which she normally does, so she’s particularly tired. She only gets max 6 hours of sleep a day so she’s always tired in one sense or another. I don’t see her chipper or alive very often, which is saddening. Rarely, and I remember what it was like, and I wish that for her more often. She has not had a good life. As if three pregnancies weren’t enough pain. An abusive husband, and a miserable dead-end job. In the land of freedom.

America sucks. So many people think so, too.

Well it’s not Iran. But that’s not saying much. Where they chop your toes off for disagreeing with the regime and being poor. Where they stone you for drug use or petty theft. There are some mega regressive countries out there still. If I lived there I would leave ASAP. It’s rough, on Earth. Life is rough.

And then some places are heaven on Earth. Many places in Europe. Australia seems nice enough.

Who knows.

So I’ll just take it easy for the rest of the evening, as best I can. I’m usually baseline anxious so it’s hard to just do nothing and relax, but my restlessness is better. I think the upped Depakote is kicking in and I feel even better. It’s for bipolar which maybe I had all along? I don’t know. Can’t ever trust these diagnoses too much.

Spelling is doing well. Hallelujah. Fingers don’t hurt too much, left ankle is kind of sore still. Haven’t gone for my walk today yet. It’s not much but it’ll keep me alive, I think.

Literacy. Literacy is one of the blessings of life.

Jumping around.


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