Today’s not looking so good, mood-wise. I’m already miserable and it’s not even noon.

I had my labs done this morning. $40 copay on my new health insurance plan, which is a rip but I guess it would be even more under a lesser plan. Medicine is so expensive. I’ll have to watch my office visits from now on. Thank God that video appointments don’t cost anything.

Kaiser is a sack of shit. Kaiser can suck it. They abuse their patients and neglect to treat them well. My physician hasn’t discussed hardly any of the options for any of my conditions, neither the disease nor the treatment. Turns out you have to do everything yourself.

I might have this pharyngeal thing that doesn’t let me burp. It’s probably acid reflux but it is a possibility.

I don’t want to do anything. I feel terrible. I need to exercise but I hate it unless it’s sports. I need to learn to jog through the neighborhood. It’s not a big neighborhood so it shouldn’t be hard, but for me it is. Everything’s hard for me.

Yeah, just health insurance and my health care on my mind. I hate them. They’re so under my skin. They panic when you tell them you’re on kratom. They also pronounce the word wrong, the disrespectful way. Freaks.

I sent an attitude message to the resident who did my intake refusing intensive day treatment. It’s too much and they want me to stop cold-turkey, which is really stupid and not the way to go about it at all. How consoling can they believe themselves to be? Absolute egomaniacs.

Brb diarrhea.

Had my first teaspoon of kratom (11:46 AM, pretty good!) to address my sour mood.

Stomach problems ever since my first cup of coffee this morning. Disproportionately so. Like, intense discomfort and moderate pain from just one cup of coffee. I don’t get it. I’m not usually this weak. I wonder if my meds are making me weak.

I’m supposed to be looking for work but I’m on no one’s clock so who cares.

I need to write some cover letters today. The more I do, the better I will get at it. Even one would be a huge step.

Such a bad mood. I’m so angry at Kaiser.

Mom is a friend.

Now I’m grasping at straws for conversation topics, which means I should probably stop here.

Thanks.

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