Went on a walk with mother, Alex, and Andre. I was exhausted. It wasn’t all too pleasant but my kratom cravings didn’t ruin it entirely.
I need to decrease my risperdal, I just can’t live at such low dopamine levels. This isn’t fair. It’s all because of low dopamine. All my substance excitement seeking is because of low dopamine, the reward neurotransmitter. My lack of motivation to achieve goals is because of low dopamine. Surely my psychiatrist knows this by now. I need to be off this med entirely, if I were my own boss. I hate being under the thumb of medicine.
Back to my miserable rat hole. Social media and the lack of focus to enjoy real media, books, good games, good movies, anything. I can’t do any of it. I’m so doomed. I need to get off this antipsychotic. The Depakote works so much better.