I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just don’t want to work on designing this game. This tutorial is so technical and I’m so uninterested in the type of project it is, I feel like, see? this is what makes me scared about getting a job, is if I’m this unmotivated by everything, I won’t succeed and there will be problems at work, which is probably even worse than getting fired. I hate social discord. Ahhhhhh screaming…

But we have some time, and IF the risperdal at the lower dose relieves some of my dopamine suppression, it may help enough to get me over these humps. I just feel so bad NOW that I want it to end NOW. It’s been going on for so long. I don’t know what the psychiatrist does, but not enough, clearly. Do I need two? Two full-time psychiatrists? lol

I will probably have WordPress and Tumblr open on my computer at work. But I tried that at my last job and it made me too nervous, what a wreck I was, caught in between a rock and a hard place. It would be my dream to get back to the original: Happy in lab, go home, one blog post, bam, done, watch some TV or something or work on a side-project, go to bed. I really want a not really a simple life per se, I want to accomplish a lot, but, nothing too overwhelming. I think most are like that.

Sigh. What is this mess.

I need to check my doctor’s messages but I don’t feel like it. It makes me nervous interacting with them. I guess at the end of the day…

Update: I did end up going through the tutorial and trying some code. It didn’t work so I posted on the Unity forums for help. Someone has been helping me so far, fortunately, so it’s good. I just take a little time to get started.

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