They tested the level of valproate in my blood (I’m on Depakote, which is a valproate salt, derivative of valerian, hence the “val”) and it’s a bit low. So my psychiatrist recommends increasing by a tab or two. I won’t tell mom unless she asks. Even if she does, she’ll bitch at me but if I show her the test results she’ll ultimately let me up the dosage. But the plan is she doesn’t find out, at least until later once I’ve been healthy on it for a while. She’s paranoid and neurotic about healthcare, which ultimately shoots her in the foot. They didn’t treat the cat for cancer, which is why it died earlier. So, proof, but she blatantly ignores it. Dumb bitch.

So I’ll increase my valproate tomorrow morning–the tabs are in mom’s room so she’ll wake up if I get them. Dr. recommends in the night at first but I want it as soon as possible and I’m fairly hardy so I think morning first will be harmless. Like three days of that, I’ll double check with the psychiatrist how many exactly, and if necessary up on the night time dose. He says this should help with my anxiety and distress.

He doesn’t want me to decrease the risperidone. He didn’t say why. I’ll interrogate him on Friday.

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