But about mom…

She has a bitch mode. Which is kind of cool when you think about it. But she can, believe it or not, also be happy. I’ve seen it before. And she seems to value me as a friend, in addition to as a son? It’s strange. I wonder if it ever bothers her.

Most people don’t really share their thoughts with me, despite my being an excellent listener. I don’t know why. It used to be different, if I recall. Or I could be recalling wrong.

Mother is a great person. I won’t lie. But, I don’t know. There’s a but. There’s something about her, not that she’s overly-morbid, but it’s just so hard to keep her happy, and I can’t even, I don’t give up, but she never is, and I wish such good things for her that never come true. She’s had a terrible life, and it’s just awful. I like basking in negativity and I wonder if it ever fuels her woes?

NOW we’re in therapy. This is what blogging is about. Figuring out your problems. Fuck real therapy. That’s shit. 1 hour every three week, OR whenever you want? IN WRITING. I prefer writing to talking, or maybe most people who talk to me are just assholes? I don’t know. I haven’t been treated all too nice by my peers my whole life, either. I don’t know why. I’m not autistic. They probably thought I was. I feel pretty normal.

Blah. What is this even.

I think we’re trying to talk about mom but the topic keeps shifting. She’s still alive! Just FYI. What a weird thought… I don’t like thinking about mortality, unless it’s fictional. I don’t think I’ll be too phased by it, to be honest, when it comes.

Bleh. Gross.

She has some good years ahead of her. We don’t have, she doesn’t qualify for a house. Basically, to put it simply. So we’re all stuck here together. Which means she and dad interact, and fight like the dickens. It’s really stupid. She just brings out the worst in him, which is of course his fault, because she’s not manipulative at all. She’s annoying, but not manipulative. I can’t imagine having a manipulative mom.

But imagine living in the circus…

Okay ADD. Hmm…

What else about mom…

Well, I guess my therapist, and this is one good thing about dialogue vs monologue, is that my therapist will have questions for me. Not as many as I would like, but a few good ones. Better than nothing.

I’m getting nowhere at this rate.

I’ll just leave it for there.

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