I’m jumping out of my skin looking for something to do. I’m watching CannibalQueen stream again. She’s nice but it’s not that engaging.

I need to like dick around with my fingers or something. Playing Magic with brother would fit the bill quite well but he never offers and I don’t want to bother him. I miss the days when he asked me. Why didn’t I play with him more when I could have…

I’m not per se that restless or anxious, it’s actually going quite well. I don’t know why I rely on good news so much, but I guess it is what it is. I just need a normal life. Covid + unemployment have wrecked me. On top of that I am diagnosed mentally ill so it’s just been a nightmare at times.

I am so blessed to be healthy, right now, in this moment. I feel so much more confident now that I know someone wants to employ me. Why does my self-confidence depend on others? It shouldn’t. I should unlearn that. I’m flawed in so many ways that just shoot me in the foot.

I don’t really feel like playing video games right now.

My only complaint with my new job is the pay is a little beneath me, but I’ll ask for a raise if I’m hired permanent after 6 months. Knowing me and my tendency for good performance, I’ll likely be hired permanently. It’s a 6 mo. contract by the way, with possible renewal and full time hire if a position is available. So it’s pretty good.

I don’t know. Something is nagging at me though. I don’t know what. It’s even worse when you don’t know what.

The literary magazine is super cool coming along well. I should put it in CQ’s chat.

Yeah things are good and I feel better and more self-confident, but something is wrong and I don’t know what, which bothers the shit out of me.

Oh well.

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