I have a stomach ache but I can’t throw up. I literally feel like there’s sludge garbage in my stomach that I need to get rid of but I tried to and nothing came out for a while.

I had mom’s soup. That’s probably placating it.

Memories of times blogging during intense episodes and… I lost. The episodes won. Somehow I survived. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to. But I definitely lost, and the episodes won. People were here, in the room, visiting, tormenting me. I was horrified. It’s not fair.

Just woke up from my hours-long opioid-induced nap. Can’t have been very deep, as time wasn’t compressed like it normally is in deep sleep. The passage of time was slower, though faster than full consciousness. That is interesting though, isn’t it. Raining outside. In bed under the covers with the rain outside is comforting.

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