I wonder if I will be shy or sociable during my first week at the new job. I feel like, after this much isolation, even a shy guy like me would open up and start talking to meet new people. I desperately need new people in my life. My last company didn’t go too well. People didn’t seem to like me, or they were scared of me, or they respected me too much, or something. No one talked to me. There was this barrier and nothing broke it down, and it just stayed there until I resigned.

I’m pretty glad there was severance pay. I feel like a corrupt capitalist pawn in a sense, but if you knew how much I struggled for that job, absolute absolute torture and misery, you’d know I had earned it. It was 3 months of pay, by the way–to tide me over until my next job. That previous company had its finances in fucking order. Forreal. They pay above the average for average positions like RA, I saw they pay like 80K or more for RAII. That’s pretty fucking good. Startups can’t afford to pay that much but they offer the opportunity of stocks and being with a company from the get go, so making it big later. I bet some people prefer that.

Took my morning meds. I should check my messages but I don’t really really don’t want to talk or interact with a single fucking doctor at all today. I have group therapy for the kratom addiction at 5:30 today.

If I had woken up on time I would’ve gotten their call. It’s not in my address book but it’s from walnut creek and very similar to other of their numbers. I’m sure it was them, I don’t even have to check my messages. I mean I should check my messages but I’m sick of doctors.

I had to go afk mid post and now I don’t remember my train of thought. I’m very OCD about deciding which words to use to describe things, and the choices really hurt me, that I can’t use both.

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