My friend is a dumb fucking bitch. We played cards MTGA just now and he was bumbling around with the rules and didn’t understand anything. What a whore. And like, he doesn’t even know how to ask questions without rambling on nonsense forever. Useless person. He says he reads my emails. He doesn’t. He doesn’t […]

My fucking friend responded. Asshole. And he’s all acting like he’s doing it for me, keeping up the conversation, like it’s not about him it’s about me. I’m the needy one with problems. He doesn’t need me. Prick. Half past the hour so another half and then mom goes to work. I could lie in […]

I took a klonopin to try to treat the restlessness. It’s helping, to a degree. My psychiatrist way overestimates it’s power. It’s only 0.4 mg. Some people are on 4 mg. So, 8x. Anyway, never mind that that’s addicting and bad in the long run. Dad made a bunch of fruit juice and I had […]

I’m scared that I won’t go anywhere in my personal life, in feeling good, unless I sacrifice and hard work in return. Which is of course, a terrible deal. What has my hard work up until this point been for? I’ve been practicing and improving, for what? I don’t I’m not good at anything. I […]

Kratom kratom kratom. All I want is kratom. I don’t want to work I don’t want to live I just want to nod off all day. Heroin. No heroin. Too strong. Kratom is good enough. I need the effects back. I just want to throw it up all the time. I love the stuff. God […]

I feel like at this point in time I’ve said all I have to say. I’m running out of things to complain about, even if it’s things are still shit. God I hate life. Why. I don’t want to die, when faced with the threat, but god why is life so miserable.

Thank god. I threw up, but I think there’s more down there. More soon. Especially if I keep consuming, which I will. Even if I don’t, it will probably need to come out at some point before bed.

Everything is so boring. People are so boring. No one wants to talk to me, the most interesting person in the galaxy. Nick said he can talk after he’s done with tutoring (someone else).

I’m getting up there with the kratom intake for the day, which means a stomach ache and a headache. The headache not normally. … Yeah I’m going to need to throw up pretty soon. Also, the quantity of exercise I get in a week is pathetic. I don’t even remember how good it feels to […]