Father went to Florida to visit some beaches or whatever. The house is much quieter and calmer without him. It feels like a home when he’s not here. I wish we had this more often. Even my ennui is having trouble finding a foothold in my mind, which is a blessing.

I want to work in Switzerland, or Germany, or England, somewhere real real cool. Amazing stuff. Switzerland would be nice I speak a bit of French. It shouldn’t be too hard to pick up the rest. I know all the grammar from school, I’m just not a good ear or fluent.

What else is there to say? The clock is ticking. I’m waiting for work, until then I’m basically a dead body walking. No life in me.

I don’t read. Sigh. I know I complain about this a lot but it means so much to me to be engaged in other worlds. I miss it so dearly. Fucking psychochiatrist scheduled our appointment so far out, 4 weeks after the previous one. March 11 I think.

Watching crazy_japanese on Twitch. A reality streamer who goes on walks through the cities and parks of Japan. She’s Japanese. She’s on an island with her sister now and there are indigenous deer. It’s a civilized island, with buildings.

I wish there were more meaning to life. There’s really nothing to it. There’s nothing to do about it. I want to contribute my smarts for the benefit of humankind, but Western capitalism is the instrument I have to do it through and it’s atrocious at allowing contributions to go through. I could help. I really could. I swear it.

So why don’t I take courses, and then enter competitions? I have a learning disability. At mature age. Because of either my risperdal, my kratom, or my schizoaffective disorder. My doctors and I don’t know which. Hopefully we can treat it regardless. Like, just prescribe me some ritalin, lol. Seriously. I need to function. I won’t abuse it.

Sigh. No one trusts me…

On twitter. Not much there, The Economist is awesome. I loved that magazine in high school. If I had income I would subscribe. Correction, if I could read for long durations I would subscribe. Great magazine.

Itchy neck beard. Yuck. Not too grossed out, but fairly itchy.

My brother has stated he doesn’t like California, either. The east coast, New England, was more likeable to him, when he studied there. People there have more class, he says. I believe him. I’ve met some nice people from there.

I could’ve been a mechanical engineer. Sigh. I could’ve been so many things. I chose fucking biology. What a waste. But who knows, maybe with the current climate, and developments? There’s a lot of diseases to cure. I hope I become a reliable researcher for my company. My last one just pushed me too far. I swear. Mindless menial labor it was. The meetings were brainless. People there were stupid. I don’t know why that company is successful. Capitalism at its finest. Price collusion with healthcare companies to charge patients through the roof for the drugs they made. Ridiculous.

Sigh.

I guess that’s it from me for now. I need to meet more bloggers, but they’re all airheads. Garbage. Sigh.

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