Life Sucks

I don’t know what to do. I’m freaking out. It’s late at night and I’m not sleepy, I feel like eating something but I’m paranoid about my weight, a nibble here and there doesn’t change much so why not but noooooo.

I can’t read and this fact alone decreased my quality of life a lot. A lot. Reading before bed would be a great way to fall asleep. I don’t know what’s wrong with my brain. I hate healthcare for being so slow. Jesus Christ.

I can’t wait for breakfast with mom tomorrow. Brother will be at work probably on the phone early so he won’t be in the kitchen until around 11 or noon.

Kratom kratom kratom. I’ve had 1/3 of my daily intake within the last 2 hours. Pathetic. I’m around 30 cups a day. Does that put it into perspective for you?

No one cares about me. Nick pretends to but he’s a sack of shit, he doesn’t email me or text or anything unless I initiate. He doesn’t want to be friends with me, he just has no one else. Fuck. I hate him. I’m angry at him for not talking to me, so I’m not indulging him with my time. I haven’t sent him an email for a few days. Loser. Asshole. Bitch.

Application of the word bitch to male targets. Splendid.

Well anyway. I’m here just killing time. What else is repetitive and stupid? Writing. Right.

I hope there’s a lot of science to my job.

God. The internet is so boring unless you can read. People on it are just bland and stupid.

I have met some people in my life I’ve liked–they never stay in my life. All the good ones leave. Sigh. I remember Pretty Words for Ugly Thoughts, I don’t know what happened to him, probably overdosed on cocaine at a party. God damn it. Why.

CJ got in touch with me but didn’t say much. Mostly about the mag. I mispelled his name in it. Oops. But on the plus side I get to be sole editor, officially. ISSN registration should go through next week. It looks like the office is ahead of schedule.

I don’t know what to do. Life is so stupid and meaningless. There’s no point. There’s no comfort or ease to anything. Just convenience, but no love. It’s dumb. It’s fucking shit brainless. Sigh.

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