I wish I could recover. This is going to take so long. I had hope a few days ago, I had like a bit of time I wasn’t craving. But the numbers don’t like: I’m using as much as ever. Over thirty cups a day.

Nick doesn’t respond to my texts. I don’t love him, though I did ask him if he wanted to be gay lovers at one point in time. He said no. For whatever reason, whether he’s straight or just not into me that way. He has a girlfriend now. I wish I had a girlfriend. I’m bi but I don’t act or dress it. Sometimes I cross my legs standing up for comfort, so I guess that’s about it. And I can be exuberant and plucky when I’m happy. Which I am so often NOT on here, because this is where I primarily come to vent. Apologies for that confusion, if you thought this was anything but that. For the longest time I was confused, too.

Not many people I follow streaming rn actually. It is of no consequence or significance. Nor nor nor. Neither nor. Neanderthals. The busted loo. Or whatever.

I made a tryst with myself, that I would force sleep if I’m not in bed by 2. But maybe I should just get that prescription from my psychiatrist he offered. Especially if I need it for work. I think I should just grab it just in case. I forget which, pregnozone or something?

Again I come here without anything important or fun to say. I’m just a boring person. You’ll have to understand that. But now that I’m respecting myself more, maybe I can form a more intimate connection with you.

Hmm. I got rid of all my followers and started over. I wonder. It just felt like the right thing to do. A while ago, not anything new.

I need to clip my nails.

I didn’t eat too much today. I’m actually mostly overweight b/c of my meds, not because I eat unhealthy. I eat rather healthy and do get some exercise in. So.

What else could I possibly wring out of myself…

Nothing, really. Just trying to pass the time the only way I know how. Sigh.

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