Getting into the habit of blogging as soon as I wake up. I won’t be able to do that once work starts. Will have to wait until I get home. So, I don’t know if they want me on-site on Monday or what, I probably have to at the least to pick up my work laptop for all the training of the first week or so. I won’t rush the training. They give you plenty of time, and I was super-fast at my last job and there’s no need for that. Best to go at a relaxed pace. I visited the company’s building (I don’t remember if I told you which company, I hope not, but it’s pharmaceuticals in NorCal) and it’s not uber-modern, but it’s nice. Somewhat modern, which I like. I appreciate good architecture, so we’ll see if the inside is designed well, too. I can’t believe the commute is so short. That is a blessing. Thank God.

Everything’s been confirmed and went through and I just start, flat-out, on Monday! Hooray!

I wonder if I will survive. I haven’t worked in a year, longer if you count my time on and off FMLA. The mental illness took its toll, but at least it rescued me from a terrible job, my previous. Sometimes things work out in a strange sort of way.

I waited half an hour this morning after getting out of bed before having my first cup of kratom, a promise I made to my therapy group I would do from now on, to “set the tone of the day”. Whatever that fluffy bullshit means. But it does cut back maybe one or two cups, which is good. Maybe it will, after a period of weeks, begin to set the tone? THIS is what it’s like to be sober after you wake up. Instead of just jumping for the k straight away. Rhyme! Hahaha. Oh boy.

So now I’m left to my devices. I of course won’t be doing anything productive because I don’t want to learn anything new that’s not in my specialty, out of laziness, so no data science courses. Nature publishes molecular biology stuff on Twitter every once in a while which I absolutely eat up, so I hope my job is more of that. It would be so great if it were.

I know I’ve been nasty on here before, but I don’t think that is a problem. I don’t have a wide audience and I am aware of that. If I were a celebrity I would watch my tongue, but I’m not. So I have a little more wiggle room. The few of you who’ve seen me say racist and bad things on here, well, understand that this is my private space, and it’s where I go to vent. I don’t harm anyone. It’s just talk, and talk to myself. I don’t hold grudges or nasty ideologies, either. I like to think I’m in the light as a person.

Not sure what today will bring. Thursday. No holidays. Just a regular day.

Bought my brother some birthday gifts. One will arrive late, probably, the other should be here today. And some games on Steam of which I forgot to schedule the delivery. Hah, I got my word order correct in that sentence. Less sloppy with the grammar. Yum.

So yeah. I should go for my walk today. I didn’t go yesterday because I felt bad, which is stupid because that’s when you need it most. Mom works her last night tonight, out of her four-night streak, then she gets three nights off, Friday Saturday Sunday. Brother’s birthday I believe is on Saturday. Father we convinced to stay in Florida for brother’s birthday so we’ll be left in peace. Good for it.

No interesting thoughts. No dreams. Just shooting the shit.

Haven’t written any poetry lately. What I really need to do is edit what I already have for the next issue, and check the mail for the swatches to physically print our first issue. CJ said he’d get his Twitter-savvy friend to advertise for us, but I don’t know how long that communique will take. He’s often depressed, CJ, so things take longer with him. I understand, and it’s terrible, and I wish I could help. When I was psychotic my family felt so helpless. Which is ironic because now that my meds work, my mom wants me on a lower dose with the risk of it not working as well, to save me from the side effects, of which there aren’t any so far. Strange woman.

I sent CJ a whiny life update from my side, he hasn’t responded to that. He’s normally pretty fast but I think he’s going through hell. He works through it all. I don’t know if I would be able to. Maybe it’s the only thing that keeps him on track, though? I wonder if he would answer if I asked.

So point is, check the mailbox, stupid varjak.

Ya ya ya ya ya…

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