It drives me crazy that there isn’t a word for the way I feel. Listless? After isolating for so long, both due to mental illness first and then covid second, I’ve lost a good chunk of my language. I also forget things more easily.

We’ll assume it’s listlessness. Fuck, it feels terrible. Intense listlessness.

I can’t settle and I just feel bad. The kratom takes the blame now. Fuck that shit. It fucking kills my joy. So does the risperdal. It kills my dopamine. Fucking hell. This is garbage.

I feel hatein’ terrible. Fuck you all.

My only friend Nick is a shit. And that’s all I have. I have to make do with shit. A shit. Fuck I’m so low on the social ladder. This is so unfair. Not everyone gets equal rights.

Update: Talked with Nick on the phone. He’s still a douche bag, but a loveable little douche bag. Would bone 10/10. Short spider monkey.

Anyway it was mostly a therapy session centered around me, so I feel kind of guilty. Fuck.

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