Like, I just need, I need to start realizing when something is no longer healthy. I don’t do that, as of now. I keep doing something, or taking something (not too many things, thankfully), until it’s like way past a healthy stopping point. If anything this blog is as unhealthy as the kratom! The way […]

I don’t know. I guess my thoughts lately, like today, have been more or less, that, I use this blog and my anonymity on the internet, while mostly keeping to myself, to “vent” and spew all this atrocious bullshit, and maybe… maybe it doesn’t belong there, because it doesn’t belong anywhere. Maybe I really should […]

I’m not sure what to say. I feel like I’m living life “wrong” or “incorrectly”. Like there are rules to existence and I’m breaking them. It doesn’t feel good.

I don’t know what is wrong with my brain tonight but I’m feeling particularly crappy. I haven’t eaten much today and I still have no appetite. It will come once I start (eating), but it’s hard to start. Strange evening.

I am starting to realize that really, really, I need to start exercising seriously. I have to go on a jog through the neighborhood instead of a walk. One lap through it won’t be enough but I’ll start with that, if I can force myself past the pact I made myself in my youthful stupidity […]

I was watching a chess stream from a nice guy, IM John Bartholomew. Not sure how to spell his name. Laziness abounds. It was educational and fun. But now I’m like, switching the channel, and nothing is entertaining. I spend too much time on easy activities and it all just loses value. It’s not fun. […]

I don’t get off my ass nearly enough throughout the day. I go for a 10 minute walk. And I sit in a chair, in front of the computer, for… 14 hours? Even lifting weights for 10 minutes would help. Something. Pushups. Crunches. Situps. Anything. Fack I’m boned.

I don’t know. I feel like I should say something. I feel like I lost a part of my brain somewhere along the road. I’m not the same person I used to be, and I don’t like it. I used to be mellow, and cool. I’m not mellow and cool anymore. Stuff stuff etc. fuck […]

What am I supposed to do now? I think my focus should be simply to relax. I shouldn’t focus so much on doing this or that or “achieveing my goooaoaaaooools” garbage. Stupid. Just relax. Me, I, just relax. I should. I should. And let it flow. Things used to flow. I didn’t force it upon […]