I was watching a chess stream from a nice guy, IM John Bartholomew. Not sure how to spell his name. Laziness abounds.
It was educational and fun.
But now I’m like, switching the channel, and nothing is entertaining. I spend too much time on easy activities and it all just loses value. It’s not fun. Not working hard kills the joy, there’s just no more reward to anything.
I think I have, also, an eating phobia right now. There’s a lot of good food, fresh, in the house right now, and I just don’t want to eat. I don’t know why. It’s weird.
Yeah. Nothing is interesting right now. I’m actually kind of starting to get scared and panic a little, too. For no reason in particular. Like, what if I get super painfully depressed. That shit is so bad and painful. What if I really, am not interested in anything anymore.
Work is so much better than my free time at this point in time.
I told mommy I would eat when she goes to work. So that’s the plan.