I am starting to realize that really, really, I need to start exercising seriously. I have to go on a jog through the neighborhood instead of a walk. One lap through it won’t be enough but I’ll start with that, if I can force myself past the pact I made myself in my youthful stupidity to never push myself ever again and to let things flow naturally for the rest of my life.

Nature is cruel. Beautiful, but cruel.

I’m going to send a message to my therapist and talk about this with him at our next meeting. I don’t know how on Earth to start jogging. Something, something, anything. My health depends on it, mental and physical. My cardiovascular system, my heart, my form, depend on it.

Things are not good.

The good news is I am only 30 lb. overweight, and already panicking this much. But I’d say that’s a lot, to me. And my mental health has been in an atrocious state. Improving recently. I can’t rely on meds for everything. That’s not healthy, either. It’s probably not good at all.

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