It’s 4 on a Sunday, perfect time to relax, and I’m just miserable. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been over all my problems hundreds of times, and I don’t know the solution to a single one. No one’s there to help me.

I’m doomed. I know that’s a cliche thing to say but I think I really mean it. I am doomed, to live this way for the foreseeable future. Living with my family was a prison sentence. They cramp my lifestyle and I just can’t even be myself anymore, I can’t cook because they fuck everything up, I can’t enjoy the living room. Everyone is just crap.

I can’t study, i don’t know why, my medical care team still hasn’t adequately answered it. My therapist says it’s my disorder, negative symptoms I guess. I don’t know. I don’t trust this diagnosis anymore.

Work starts up again tomorrow. Five days of it. Then another pointless weekend. We’re supposed to assemble a shelf (what are they called? a thing with shelves in it) not a cabinet but a thing with shelves in it, for my room. I don’t care. I give up. I tried hard or 30 years and it got me nowhere. I give up.

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