Mom and I agreed we’re going to decrease my risperidone by 0.5 mg tomorrow for four weeks and see if it improves my akathisia or if any psychosis gets worse. If neutral we’ll continue to decrease. Obviously if positive also.

Dare I say that there is no more art in anything? In my life, at least. Same people (the family, Nick), same stuff. No one changes, no one says or does anything interesting. I wonder what life is like for normal people. Is it normal to enjoy things? Is it possible to be happy? At […]

I feel trapped and I feel like it’s not appropriate to talk to anyone about it. The kratom isn’t actually consoling at all, in fact at around 15-20 cups, it makes me dizzy and feel sick. But I still need it. I think I need it. I use it. It’s a habit. I must need […]

I did 10 pushups, not because my muscles hurt or were sore, but because it was physically hard. There is physically not enough power in my shoulders to do it easily. And 25 crunches, which were easier but left my abs more sore. I’ll do this daily to regain a modicum of muscle mass.

So fucking sick of Twitter and social media. Why doesn’t anyone talk to me. I don’t feel safe with myself. Someone’s going to pay. I need to go somewhere. I need to go somewhere far, far away.

I don’t know why my server doesn’t work and I don’t have anyone to help me. I wish someone could help me. I think it’s the motherboard at this point in time but I don’t know for sure. It’s not the power supply because replacing it with a new one doesn’t do anything. I need […]

I can’t go on suboxone. It’s not for cravings, it’s for withdrawal. I can’t reach withdrawal because of my cravings. Isn’t that fucked up? Modern medicine is shit, and American medicine is the worst. My psychiatrist is being a bitch saying I should go on suboxone and quit kratom, but I would also have to […]

Collective Stupidity: The Non-Simplicity of “Filling Out a Form” for Work

So I’m supposed to be filling out–and let’s get into the nitty gritty of this for once, I want you to see how stupid this all is–a form for my manager. It’s a form. It’s a one page form with a few checkboxes, easy enough, saying I don’t want, among two other options, the Hepatitis […]