Just as a reminder, remember (if you’re into that sort of thing) to follow my poetry blog at burndoubtstar.art, this personal blog is… you don’t have to follow this shit here.

So. I was doing well reading for a while, yesterday, and I haven’t read at all today yet. Nor studied.

I was trying to write a short, something, I don’t know what it would be called. With the dream of being submitted somewhere and being recognized, not this void black hole my blog. But there’s something just-for-me about this void black hole. It helps me, I think. Maybe I just needed a brief break. Did I take a break?

There are pedantic things. I have a sore throat. I have work tomorrow. First day in lab. They don’t want me there until I test negative for Covid, but I won’t tell them and I won’t cough or give myself away. So yes, technically I could infect a whole bunch of ppl. But masks etc. Y’know the deal.

I don’t like having to wake up early. On workdays. I need to discuss this with my manager eventually.

Also, something something something. I forgot.

I need to shave, bathe, and clip my nails.

More pedantry: Listening to new releases on Spotify.

I am getting my daily dose of visual arts, still visual arts, on Twitter. I should start watching films or TV. I am culturally deprived. My brain wants the hard work. It’s hard work for me to read or watch things. But my brain craves it. It feels so good.

It was like, one or two days of hard work, studying data science on Coursera and reading out of a literary magazine I had purchased randomly before, and now it’s back to the regular routine of shitting around on the internet. Wasting my life. Rotting my mind.

Fuck, I just remembered, I need to do laundry! Only, I have a lot of shirts. But I don’t have an empty laundry basket to put my contaminated clothes into! Well that’s not entirely true. Hmm. I’ll ask mom.

But. I don’t want to work hard. I don’t want to read. I don’t want to watch. Do you feel me? I want the easy way out. And that is painful, to know that. I wish there were some middle ground. I wish hard work were more natural to me. I don’t know why I’m like this. Why I’m this way.

Well anyway, I’m super sore from also, among other things, and this is pedantic too, assembling furniture with mom yesterday.

It looks like we won’t have enough submissions for issue #2 of our literary magazine. No one besides the people we know submitted. And I haven’t been working on it, and CJ hasn’t been working on it. Like a phoenix. An untimely phoenix.

I’ve heard of a few streamers who get asked to review positively games, and then they like totally blast the games cuz they suck and like talk about it on stream how they were asked to be all corrupt for the game industry and it’s like, Yesssss, rebellionnnnnn. So sweet. Stay true, stay honest friends. Stay righteous!

I don’t really feel connected to anyone. My therapist ought to be doing better work. He should be providing better advice. I don’t know what exactly, but it seems like he’s missing something just to milk me.

I should read some more but I feel as though I “earned” this lazytime. It’s a shit mindset. It really is. But eh. I don’t know.

So… chores, and chores.

What a life.

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