This blog is sort of like my home base, when I’m confused and don’t know what to do, which I am often, or just ambling idly.

I had two naps today. I hope I can sleep tonight! I can’t tell if they were kratom-induced or not.

I did some practice data anlysis–just playing around, really–on some data from work today. Annnd, annnnd, yaaaaa. It’s fun. Plotting things. Plotting world domination. Heh. Heh. Heh.

So, how R u?

I want life to be easier. I can’t believe reading is so hard for me. I don’t like this whole, antipsychotic, mumbo-jumbo. Risperidone. Yeck. Kills my motivation. But I mean I can function, but pleasing myself is very difficult. Not much is rewarding. Like, the last few days, reading in the evening has been alright.

Oh yeah, I’m working from home cuz I have a cold (sore throat and headache, or just sore throat).

What was I saying. Reading is great. But it’s such hard work.

I got tested for Covid. Results should be out in a couple days.

I want… my psyche to be softer. Not faster, not more energetic, just softer. Does that make sense? Or is this sort of language reserved for those who have dabbled in the drugs and augmented their mind? I don’t know. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. I don’t want to talk about Nick. I think he may think I’m exploiting him and too selfish, or like, he doesn’t think well of me or something. Like I’m… not a good person, or something.

I had some psychosis the past few days where I thought my interim manager was angry with me. It made me scared.

I probably should be reading again, some more. Mmf. I don’t know. Why is it so hard?

The kratom, I just discussed with my mom, not only hurts me, but it used to provide me a reward for my hard work that I was used to, and now THAT is gone, too. So it’s a double header, ouch ouch.

What I, the main thing I came here ot say, was, CJ hasn’t responded about the lit mag, or at all in email or anywhere else. I mean we mainly talked thru email so that is where I would expect the response. About Issue #2. He had school stuff to finish up and… I wonder how it went. I hope he’s okay. =(

I kind of miss him. It was really nice talking to him, a fellow poet. He’s a rebel like me, so he understands. I wonder…

Well anyway. I’ll probably kill some more time doing NOTHING, and maybe read a little bit, or not, I don’t KNOW. Leave me alone, marauders! =P

Whatever that means…

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