I feel like I should be reading or studying, either math or French, instead of watching Critical Roll on Twitch. Which is a great show, by the way.

Dad is still in the garage banging on whatever, making a ruckus. Loud sounds bother me, I’ve realized. Sudden sounds. Even if someone isn’t angry I interpret it as anger and it shocks me. Probably a scar from being abused by him when I was young.

Listening to people speak, like the cast of Crit Roll, while writing things, that tab open but not active while focused on this one, used to give me schizoaffective symptoms, anxiety and paranoia and fear, but I need to overcome it.

Whoa. Just got distracted and went back to the Crit Roll tab for commercials. I like. Watching. Them.

Mmm.

My copy of the collected works of Flannery O’Conner (or?) arrived. It’s a little over 1000 pages only, not that much for an author’s entirety of work, but considering it’s all been published in like literary magazines originally and probably won awards I guess yeah that is a lot.

I feel bad. I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t want to die from the suboxone like mother says I will. I messaged my addiction doctor and my psychiatrist asking questions. Hopefully they get back to me tomorrow before I pick up my prescription. I need to get some labs done early afternoon, too. Hopefully they’re not running behind schedule there. It’s so slow then and I don’t like it.

What my English skills are eroding terribly.

I feel like I should be more productive. I don’t know how to enjoy life anymore.

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