Mmmmgg. Not good.

Had more kratom. Starting to nod, headache, not feeling well.

What a stupid addiction.

What did I mean to say…

Well, I guess, I can’t wait to start the suboxone next week. I just don’t know how work will… work out. I may have to finally do some stuff in lab. Hopefully it’s mostly just training? But if I have to run actual samples and I’m feeling like shit, that could work out really poorly.

I just hope it doesn’t make me fatigued, the withdrawal. Fatigue and lab work are the two polar opposites don’t mix at all for me. Terrible combination. Headache stomach ache I can function sort of but just miserable, myself. I’m not sure about this statement but I’m making it.

Fuck you Nick, for getting me started on kratom. Fucking shit. Man. Why.

I am so worried about so many things.

=(

I think my clonazepam refill should be in the mail soon. I can’t use it, either, while on suboxone, because it’s a depressant.

But one now would be nice. But also I can’t still because they are “hidden” in mother’s dresser in her room (where she is sleeping…) so I don’t want to wake her up. =(

I just feel so… bad. BaD. bAd. It’s odd. I don’t even understand.

But hopefully the suboxone helps with withdrawal and I can just function at work. I don’t know how I would explain it to my manager if I can’t even function, if I’m that fucked. And then my mom would bitch at me and make everything worse.

I don’t know. There’s so many caveats in this situation that it’s just not stable at all. I don’t like it.

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