I did some reading today. A Spool of Blue Thread and a minuscule amount from a math book introducing the layperson to mathematical proofs. Technically, more accurately, introducing someone who has known math as a calculation to the concept of math as a logic. Which would be myself. I never paid attention to the teacher’s proofs during lecture in high school calculus. I wish I had. I don’t regret it sorely, but I wish I had.

I am consuming so much kratom. I switched to the 20x extract, which is stronger and more pure. I feel good. I’ve had a cup of like five teaspoons of it, all at once, and a few other cups of marginal quantities. I’m not in bliss like I should be, b/c of my tolerance, but… God, I can’t believe this stuff is legal. So weird. You’d think the government made a mistake or something. Then again, pot can be bliss, and that is legal in some states. Hmm. Weird.

I want to get high again someday. I don’t know if it would be safe for me, psychologically, or if I would have a bad trip and just die on the inside, sheer absolute terror-stricken. I hate fear. I’m scared already. Ahhhhhh fuck. I’ll have to feel it out. Feeling it out used to work so well for me, until the fucking doctors and my mom instilled so much doubt in me. And WHAT happened in grad school?! I don’t even know. I don’t get it. Why did it all collapse?

Well anyway, many pressing questions indeed.

So I have nothing to talk about. But I’m just listening to some music for now. Getting drunk or high would be choice, but I can’t do either of those things. =/

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