I don’t even want to do anything, but I am going slower.

What did my therapist tell me to do? I don’t remember.

I don’t even want to do anything, but I am going slower. Not all the time. But sometimes, enough of the time? It should be all of the time. Just going slower, in my activities and engagements. I’m not neurotically quick, but it’s too fast. It’s all too fast, when it’s me.

How to explain…

Well. I’m sure it makes sense somehow.

I feel gears clicking into place every once in a while that were misplaced, in my brain, that were for so long causing me to think incorrectly. Yes, there’s incorrect methods of thought. That which does not reflect reality. It’s not crushing the imagination, it’s just when you’re trying to be functional and you can’t be it’s not good.

I need to go for a walk through the neighborhood and I don’t even want to do that. It’s such paltry “exercise”, barely anything. I should be doing pushups and crunches, I should go for the walk.

See the problem is I’m in shorts, and I don’t want to crack a fresh pair of pants, since I’m oily and unshowered, on going for a walk. Even though it’s kind of cold in the house so that might pay off. I’d rather stick it out.

I don’t want to talk to doctors right now. I have an apt and my doctor just called me about it. I don’t want to talk to her. I just don’t. Sorry.

I’d talk to my therapist. He has productive conversations. He’s intelligent, I can tell.

See. I just went slow. There was that pause there. I didn’t type type type instantly continuing on. I took a pause.

And I thought. And I stared off into space.

I need to do that more.

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