I had the weirdest fucking dream last night. I won’t be able, guaranteed, to explain it in English it was so fucking weird.
The closest I can come is using “like” a lot. It was like a pernicious fun house, pernicious fun house ride, on water or a roller-coaster track but not fast, just leisurely speed. And there were these things or people everywhere, like characters, like dolls, or puppets, or animatronics, or something, part of the theme park, poking out at me. The theme of the dream was very much that I was being wronged, that injustice was being committed against me. And at one point–I’m forgetting a lot too–there was a lady who had this script she was supposed to read but most of it was empty or blacked out so all she had was that she was supposed to teach me [one word], I don’t remember what. And then I screamed I was sick of the indignation of racism and that it was an icicle in the heart of humanity or something empathic like that, and a buff guy sitting nearby said look at that one has a real heart now, implying that I didn’t before, implying he was an evil dude, half evil, toying with me and trying to get me in trouble.
It was way trippier than I make it seem. You had to have been there.
Now I have to go to work and I don’t want to. I have about 20 minutes to get dressed, fill a water bottle with kratom for the day, and make general preparations. I scared my therapist last night by saying I was so angry I wanted to commit crimes or insinuated that at least, in a message. I hope I’m not in trouble. I said I didn’t intend on hurting anyone after that, quite clearly. I am scared of getting the cops called on me.
But really, in the dream, my rights were being taken away by people or these figures or characters who were just condescending towards me and thought I was cute, or wronged me and just for now reason. It was pretty infuriating and there was nothing I could do about it because it was a dream.