Then again, I don’t want to be mauled by some buff black dude for brandishing an ALM poster on the counter side of some rally. I don’t go to rallies anyway. It’s just a personal belief. I don’t necessarily want to spread it or anything. And whatever, I mean blacks have to deal with the brunt of their problems anyway. A few or many allies helps but I guess that’s all. Who knows.

I’m sick of being pushed over by all these ideologies. Fuck you. Fuck you all.

Well anyway I don’t know. This force keeps telling me what to do. I don’t like it. I want it dead. If it were a person I would contemplate murdering it. But even that’s difficult. And killing an abstract force is even harder. So like, y’know, I’m more or less boned.

My book came out. I have a friend on GoodReads who says they want to read it, at least on their profile it does.

Why aren’t more things good? I don’t get it.

Hate that upward intonation in questions. Prefer flat intonation in questions.

Smart. People. Smart people. Where are the smart people.

Republicans are trash.

Ugh. I’m so angry. I don’t know what to do.

Republican used to just mean small government. Now it means all, like the corrupt shits with demented ideas have coopted the party for their what is it now, gun murders, racism, anarchy, fucking the OPPOSITE of small government (blatant corruption and obscene spending), killing the environment, anti-science. If you’re a republican I seriously question how you put up with yourself. For all the party stands for these days.

Well. I don’t know. I’m no happier for being aware of all this. I still have my problems.

I don’t know what to do. All day. It’s fucked. If I were a normal person free time would be awesome and fun, and I would like go for a run, cook, play video/computer games, read. I’m such a stupid piece of shit. I hate everything. I don’t hate everything, just nothing appeals to me. I don’t know what to do. My therapist is useless. Psychiatry is crude and underdeveloped. If we try the SSRI again it could backfire and give me chest pressure and panic attacks like last time. Sigh. Not acceptable with my work.

What was I going to say… I forget.

I’m hungry. There’s nothing to eat in this house. Fuck. I hate living with family. Dad wrecks the fridge. Nothing is organized and it’s all his fault. He decreases my quality of life like so much. Garbage human being. Very disrespectful person, even towards people he admires like me.

I don’t know what to do. Fuck you.

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