I bought the Breath of Fire IV soundtrack on steam. I looked and the game itself is not available on steam, only on whatever it was released PS1 I guess. I need to get into RPGs. They’re so satisfying! =D

Steam is a great platform. I’m part of this game group that a streamer I watch from time has. I’m surprised more streamers don’t have steam groups! I find it much more welcoming than a Discord, because it’s about what we all love: video games! =D

The streamer is skinnedteen. She’s cool. Not 100% cool but cool.

So this soundtrack, is ugh, so good. The feels. I love interacting with a game through its music. =)

I remember seeing, and this is what I’ve wanted to say for a few sentences now, an ad for BoFIV on the rear cover of some video game magazine (remember video game magazines!? those were the days =D) and I wanted it so badly, but never bought it or asked my dad to buy it for me. (This was when, the age I was at, when I still, or rather, my dad bought my video games for me lol X-D oh to be young…). There’s so much I miss about childhood. Things were so much simpler.

I don’t like my current life, because I don’t like schizoaffective disorder. I’m not a… “resilient” human, if you will. =/. Everything, everything, is just… hard! I hope it’s because of my kratom, and that I can get off of it this weekend. My psychiatrist, and all my psychiatrists so far, have thought that it is. Sigh. I don’t want to just have schizoaffective disorder. But if I do, I’m sure I will find ways to manage.

My mom today told me I need to regain my health. Or focus on it. Exercise, don’t drink, maintain good relationships. She didn’t specify those three, I’m doing that interpretation, but, y’know, pretty obvious.

Sigh. I miss the simpler days. And I hate saying that, too! I hate actually actually saying that, because it seems to cliche, on top of desperate, just cliche and like from so many movies and books. I don’t like going with the flow. But how else do you meet people… I don’t want to lose my soul…

If only I could make money from blogging, this blog I mean, somehow. Yeah right. I just barf out here. No one in hell would find me entertaining. Sigh…

Oh well. Maybe some things are better off free.

I also talked to mom today about my career stuff, or yesterday rather. I probably won’t join Roche my company after this contractor role is over in six (no, wait, now five?) months. You think biology/pharma is for smart people? Nope. It’s–and this is the truth–tedious asfuck, and menial, and rote, and overwhelming, and at times (often) just horrifying. I bet job satisfaction in pharma is probably really shit. You have to really like it or be used to it to enjoy it. I don’t know. Maybe I just don’t like working with my hands. Repeatedly doing stuff with your hands… where’s the progress in that? The intellect? That’s not challenging, that’s just stupid. If we all develop better robots, which we should, it would be obviated. Leave us for the important stuff (we = humans) that only we can do.

Ugh! This BoFIV soundtrack is so good! =D

Well anyway. I could go one. More later…

I’m doing okay. I got drunk last night which was a no-no and I’ve been having some psychosis lately which is shitty. After a long spell without it, so lucky, though depressed. I guess maybe the diagnosis is right? Whether drug-induced or not.

Thanks. I’ll be back later.

Time to read some of your poetry…

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