I got some psychosis again tonight. I took my meds–750 mg Depakote (2x a day, so 750 mg at night just recently, or 3 250 mg pills, not cuttable). Dad is trying to psychically hurt me. I get raped a lot.
It’s not real. It’s not like physical I guess would be a better way to put it. I’ve been trained to pay attention to physical reality while I get raped. It’s not fun. What I meant to say was It’s not fair, but I got raped. Then I had to fight whoever was raping me.
My mom is insanely stupid. Her stupidity is just fucking fucking astonishing. She has no conception of cause and effect, makes up arguments to suit her predispositional beliefs, and just has no basic sense of logic whatsoever. Nothing I say ever penetrates, at all. She has no sensory capacity either, apparently, as she is numb most of the time.
She just rudely left as I started writing this. I guess she got the message. But she made me feel like shit. She’s not a good relative.
None of my relatives are good relatives. You should know that by now. And I should move out.
It’s probably safer for me to move out, all else equal. Live someplace on my own. Probably for the best. I mean, it makes sense. Remove negatives and your life is better. Right? It just makes sense.
I’m sorry. I doubt basic logical premises now because my mom’s bullshit is stuck in my brain still.
Dad’s psychically raping me again. What a fucking twat.
I don’t know what to do. Psychiatry is a joke.
Fuck you all.
Garbage. Humanity is garbage.
I’m going to fucking die miserable and insane.
No one’s ever going to cure my disease because no one has the kindness of heart to do so. Don’t be deluded. Anyone claims to be a kind person, they’re not. This is the proof. I’m proof. Anyone who claims to be kind is a liar.
I guess blogging isn’t working all of a sudden. I don’t know why. Yet I have no escape. So what I’m supposed to do? The all-knowing other is like, well you’re supposed to know what to do. Why would I know what to do? I have no options. You clearly have no idea what my disease is like. Fucking professional.
You’re a sack of shit. And you evade the question so deftly.
It’s amazing. You’re just garbage.