Well, I just finished editing and compiling issue 2 of the literary magazine we publish quarterly (see poetry blog for post regarding). Mmm mmm. I don’t know. I finished and now I feel like I have to work really hard for some reason. I just can’t relax, I can never relax. I don’t know why. It sucks.
I never work hard enough.
So be it. I should work harder.
But what do I do now? There are so many directions to travel in and I just feel terrible for procrastinating on all of them. That’s not exactly what I meant to say it was a bit sideways. Well anyway it’s what I said.
I procrastinate on the powerfully important things in my life. I need to study study study. Data science. What is THE ONE MOST IMPORTANT THING in my life, to do, right now? I don’t really know. Is it exercise? Is it to learn data science? Is it to keep writing and broadcasting poetry? Is it to try to relax and entertain myself? Is it to make sure I do well at work? Is it to keep learning French? Is it to keep reading? Is it to work on the computer game? Other things I could be doing?
See, the problem is, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be doing that, when I don’t do it I feel like I’m procrastinating. It’s nonsensical.
So I just sort of occupy myself with this and that and continue on.
God I feel like shit. I don’t know if this is how life is supposed to work.
Suboxone treatment is going pretty well. Some sporadic kratom cravings but taking the quarter pill of suboxone every 40 minutes or longer makes me feel alright about the whole thing.
Mom’s watching The Umbrella Academy on Netflix in her room. I found the show for her. She says she doesn’t even like it she just wants to know what happens or something like that. It doesn’t even make her happy. Well I don’t know. I feel bad I’m wasting her time. But what would she be doing otherwise? She doesn’t use her free time very well now that I think about it. Maybe it’s time she and I had a chat…
In any case. I hope you are doing well.
Hmm. No complaints, really, today. More or less a normal day, until now, after being done with the poetry and having this mild existential crisis.
I guess I’ll just lament my life and feel like shit while reading up on some twitter for leads for a while.
I need to do my french exercises for the night. Also, maybe read an article for data science.
Data science isn’t really hard, from what I’ve learned so far, it’s just, um, well, I don’t want to do it. I’m so stupid. I wish there was bum fuckin ANYTHING I was passionate about. What happened to me? =(
Toodles 4 nao! n.n