I don’t want to, first and foremost, drag anyone into this. People on twitter are super-defensive and criminal like and acting suspicious and reallly stupid and abusive, powerful hackers, stupid, fuck. I don’t know how they do this. I don’t know how this is possible but we’ve passed that point a long time ago.
I get these really painful spikes in my mind, I don’t know why. I guess i’ts because–and I’m only saying this, not because I genuinely believe it, but because medical mechanica has preached it into my skull–of opiate or opioid withdrawal. So I should not have started opioids. So I guess that’s like a don’t be angry at me for the past because that’s stupid, though everyone around me is. So I guess my family is just a bunch of fucking idiots. Your explanations are weak and frail, human. Leave.
Yeah, more abusive thoughts, entities in my mind. Abusive me, threatening me. More hackers from twitter faking their identity, stealing accounts, victimizing me, a mentally ill handicap with a day job. Life’s not fair.
I already sent my therapist a message. It’s an emergency and I should be in a hospital but the hospital didn’t explain what they do with mentally ill people. I don’t see how a saline drip will help someone with a brain condition, because I know a little phyisiology and that’s just stupid, and I don’t have like GO TO HOSPITAL instinctively wired into me because the whole hospital thing is a pretty recent invention I think (IMO). I would’ve said IMO sooner but I was intimidated by the powers that be to be formal and correct. We still live in a police state which is also probably why I’m not going to the hospital, because they might kill me on purpose or something. Or I might just be saying that for the sake of conversation I don’t really know. Point is it’s an emergency and no one’s going to help me and I don’t know how long this night’s going to be. I don’t really care how useful or not this blog post is–shit mom’s awake. She’s gonna bitch at me now. Fuck. One sec.
Writing is the right decision. But I’ll be punished for it. By the state. We live in a police state.
I’m fucked and my family is watching out for me. I was contemplating visiting an inpatient psych ward in my home state in my home country but those usually I don’t know this for a fact but last time I was in one in another country, which was a total fucking nightmare I would never want to repeat or wish on anyone except as a joke to like a fucking subhuman, well what I mean is, it may be different this time but no it won’t who am I kidding the mentally ill are just cannon fodder. I don’t know what that term means but the human species hasn’t evolved or progress or anything. The technology keeps getting better but the humans just suck, always will, and my father better jump off a local bridge tall enough to fucking kill him real soon because he is a massive problem in my life. I have to help him move a table tomorrow or something and yeah that’s about it? I keep feeling this force not want me to speak up so naturally I think it is trying to coerce me to silence, and I’m not particularly saying speaking up is better for me, or that staying silent is bad, but I forgot what I was saying. Anyway it got better but it will probably get worse again. I hope this doesn’t happen again tomorrow. This is fucking terrible. My mother is such a bad decisionmaker in my life. She owns me and I am a slave. Fuck her so hard. Garbage piece of shit.
But that was just an aura.
Not like the migraine type.
Like the psychotic type.
Oh psychosis is a secret, I see. Whoops! Well no one told me still figuring it out.
Hmm. I don’t like being in pain.
But i probably will be it’s just a reasonable assumption not for talking but because it is a mathematical distribution with a porbability function that hits me in the nerves every once in a while.
I’m fucked this isn’t helping. I’ll try doing nothing for a while longer.
I”m waiting to get sleepy instead of forcing myself to go to bed cuz I’m sick of forcing shit down my throat. Cock and balls, fuck the queen.
SOmething like that.
Well whatever. I’m a boring drag so who cares. No one cares. Sympathy as usual. I don’t want to talk to certain people right now. But it is an emergency. But you also can’t help.
But that’s not what this is about.
Wow my brain is so fucked.
I’ll leave it at that. You figure it iout.