I have a lot of problems. This is (one of the reasons) why I write. It accelerates the thinking process and helps me figure out my problems. Scientists will be scientists this statement has not been analytically evaluated.

What I mean to say is, there is so much uncertainty everywhere, combined (short circuit in the discussion there, I apologize) with pressure, it can be hard to know which direction to go. Now I feel like the therapist! =) But that’s my only sentence, I promise. I don’t claim to be anything for legal and sanity reasons.

Anyway. I am mostly out here for myself.

My dad doesn’t know who I am. If he did, he would not like me. He is delusional and thinks I am someone to be liked according to his standards, and he is wrong.

That’s the least of my problems. Though certainly it can be the most violent at times when I get neural spikes (v. painful).

In short, is this just a blog about schizoaffective disorder? I don’t even know. I’ve tried to make it a personal blog but I guess it sort of has revolved around that topic. For a while.

And yeah. Now that I can think more clearly, I have to say… I myself don’t know which direction to go when there is so much pressure upon me from my delusions. It’s horrifying. But there’s no reason to fear words, and meaning. So I should at least take console in that. Maybe there are other things not to fear, though I do not count myself as a daredevil.

Tomorrow is another day of work. While all this epic stuff happens in my life. Getting clean off a drug. It’s such a big thing. Drugs are a very significant object in society. In mental space. Anyone who doesn’t agree just sees it differently, or is wrong.

That should cover all the bases.

So what I’m saying is, I don’t know. And I don’t know most of the time. I may sound authoritative but that’s just guessing. Nature. Nature does a lot of the hard work. Trust me–being good at being hurt is NOT a skill. Avoid damage at all costs. Live to win.

That’s nice, innit? That some people would be so drastically confused?


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