There’s something drastically wrong with the way I’m acting, this, now. Acting soft. Having my family depend one me, having them get used to relying on me. They should learn to be self-reliant and I can’t fuck with that or they’ll die horrifying deaths. And it will be my fault. Not that it matters whose fault it is because they’ll be dead and it was horrible for them while they were alive.

Point is, being tough and cool is way way way better than being soft and nice.

This is shit.

American culture is shit.

Be a hardass if you have you.

But really, just be cool.

Be cool.

Advice to myself.

Be cool, varjak.

Your family depends on you, like sheep they depend.

But hopefully. Hopefully. No harm has been done yet.

And what if it has?

I guess.

I guess.

That’s the nature of war.

And death.

And catastrophe.

I suppose I am being introduced. As the bystander, as the 2nd degree. As the relative.

It’s horrifying and scarring.

I’m so, so sorry.

And the victims never forgive.

Which is stupid. They deserve what they got.

So like that part makes sense.

Yeah! It does!


We had to think it through, but it makes sense.

I think we’ll be okay.

But I ought be cooler.

That’s all.

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