Mom’s going to for a walk with brother and baby brother. I wonder when I will ever see baby brother ever again. I can tell he misses me. I can tell. It’s dramatic and tragic and lonely.
Dad makes sounds that are too loud downstairs. I wonder if this is on purpose.
I have no one to blame.
I’m trying to study some data science for my online classes. It’s going so slow. I missed the deadlines again.
Not being able to focus, read, or summon the least bit of motivation is horrifying.
I sent so many messages to my doctors last night. Ugh. It’s always rational. Then the next day it magically transforms into hate speech. So go figure the alchemy there.
I need some bliss but I don’t have any.
This neighborhood has too many loud sounds period. I don’t like it.
Relationship with Nick is tenuous on my side. Are we through?
I’m so confused. I used to be a great person. Not just a good person, but a great person. Well, maybe just a good person. How can you meter, though? But, I mean, of moral merit. Things sure fell apart!
And dad asked mom if he could go on the walk and she had to say no because brother is on the walk and as is baby brother and baby brother would literally (no I’m serious) attempt to assault father if he were in his presence. Murder a complete possibility. And brother is just like the warning symbol.
I don’t understand the relationship between writing and anxiety and mental illness.
Something for examination, I suppose.
My father is no liberal, open, or anything at all. He is not open to critique. He can’t handle anything. Certainly has no taste. I have to be careful what I say in the comfort of my room about him. Says something. Like Kim Jong Un trying to be cool on girl’s night or sumin.
I feel bad baby brother wanted to see me but won’t.
I feel bad my relationship with Nick is falling apart.
I feel bad… the doctors are losing.
The doctors are losing.
I guess I should go for a walk, too. As much as I like writing and am brainwash convinced that it is healthy.
I’m sorry for being a problem. Maybe you will see use in it some day.