I had a horrible day. Wow. I have a panic disorder. You. I don’t know, personally, I don’t know how to call people out in writing. I thought I blogged a lot but–and this comes from a place of respect–I guess age and experience count for something.

Not “READ” but “learn to appreciate literature”. Very angry with this. Glad there are people on the civil forefront not being hurt by anything.

Perks. Perks of work. Getting to it…

What I mean is, responsibility? Too much?

I don’t know. No one died. But I changed so much in one day. It wasn’t worth it! I can argue that! But I’ll never get the chance.

I don’t know, the bottom line being, where the voices come from. The psychiatrist didn’t intervene he just let it ride. Cognitive dissonance and nothing is in check. So much telepathy tonight but on the flipside, when healthy, dreams.

Notes for now.

When healthy, stay up all night and STILL go to work.

So worried about mother. Not her blood pressure. All her other problems. I live with her. I am responsible for saving her life.

I cry. Not nearly enough. This is a problem.

Not sure why Shah was nice to me today. PCP. Holes from drugs from the brain and I guess some people just get the easy way out because? Are there NO generalizing principles?

I have to deal with so much physical pain. I had fibromyalgia for a while but I recovered. Yes, it is possible.


Well I mean I still am. I was guaranteed by my doctors that I will. But I guess I could develop coping mechanisms for the pain.

Whatever happens don’t get angry.

People should’ve taught me a lot of lessons without beating me up. This is so impressive, to pick on an adult that carries so much weight and solves so many problems. Trump should be killed. Flat.

But I have no evidence. Also politics is not my thing.

I still don’t know why my daydreams harass me. I should get use to this. This is not safe territory for sure, I agree. Engineers, not scientists. My bad. Same building, not a problem.

We’ll get there. Sorry for incurring so much damage.

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