Throughout all of this I’m surprised how neglectful my brothers have been, too. Though, I wish I had just been able to interact with them more. Too risky, though? Stupid? Not ocmpatible? Maybe we’re not the type to talk or do things. Different people.

Some gaps though… we are missing something in our relationships. And I don’t know what.

They try so hard and I don’t understand any of it. They don’t understand me, I think, is the problem.


I have to act so responsible and normal when I’m in so much pain and it’s like, why. Who taught me this.

The young ones say no just be yourself we’ll joke around.
Then they’re wrong, catastrophically, because I’m older and know they are.

So it’s fuck fuck fucked fuckec fuek.

We all fucked.


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