I am starting to realize something that is no one’s fault: That my psyche is rough like a stone, jagged, and uncomfortably dense. Just uncomfortable, not soft. I can’t be comfortable in my bedroom, which I should be. It’s ridiculous. Also probably where the pain comes from, “fault lines” or tremors. Might be muscle tremors? I don’t know.

So. I have no one to blame. It’s no one’s fault. It’s okay. I mean it’s not okay. But no one should feel guilty.


Sorry for that confusion.


I want to feel comfortable in my bedroom, so I can relax in bed, maybe fall asleep on time, to wake up for work, have a normal day tomorrow.

We increased my Risperdal and recently my Depakote. Ugh. I’m out of touch with my psychiatrist. Which is dangerous. I sent him messages.

We’ll see. We’ll see how it goes. I’m glad mom stayed home. That helped tremendously. Tonight would have been a shit show fuckall ngihtmare without her. So that was a good decision. Even if she loses some time off… =/

And… I can’t imagine how worried my brothers are about me. Or maybe they’re used to it by now. They don’t baby me, that’s for sure. Which is nice of them

Mmm. I don’t know. I could say a lot. But isn’t it better to do something?

Don’t like video games. Nothing to do.


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