My relationship with coffee is so unhealthy. I make it so dramatic, too. It’s all I want, and it kills my sleep. Then my mental illness kicks in. Ugh. I don’t know.

I don’t know how to talk about this without giving myself away. I guess it just can’t be special. Autism is this thing. It can be so painful. They say parents of children with autism are some of the most amazing powerful people on Earth. I believe it. I don’t know anyone like this directly. […]

I haven’t really had anywhere to go or anything to do lately. The people in my life, acquaintances, complain a lot, validly, but still, they complain. I don’t. But what’s a complaint after all. I just wish I had something to occupy myself with. I need to keep learning French. Data science. I messaged my […]

I have to come to terms with death. Even if it brings my family grief. There is just no other option. I can’t live like this, in fear, sad, moved, twisted. It doesn’t make sense. Why do I have to put up with things like this. I know many younger than me have to put […]

I can’t advocate violence I can not advocate violence I can not advocate violence I can not do this. I can not do this this is not acceptable. Sigh. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe I’ll recover with help from my doctors. We are making progress. Hey, I’m off kratom, after all! That’s […]

I hope my family is safe. I hoped my life ones are safe. Don’t list to me. Don’t hurt anyone. Don’t be violent. Use judgement. Just…. be human… I have to redo some data collection tomorrow. Very nice… =( I came home from work fell asleep somnolent, woke up now i feel like I’m half […]

Dad needs to be knifed in the kidneys. And you, whoever you are, who is helping him, deserve to be shot in the head. Your whole little gang is just a piece of shit little prick. Fuck off go die. I’m sure you’ll enjoy giving each other blow jobs until your brains explode you cocksuckers. […]

I don’t know when it turned this way. Life is meaningless. There’s nothing to do. I don’t know how this happened. There’s nothing to do. Life is about doing things and there’s nothing to do. Life is meaningless. It’s a fact.

I have no life. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I want to be happy on my own. But it’s so hard. Why people. Why other people. Who. Where. When. Why this. Why so much noise. When nature. What am I doing?

Like where is there to go on the internet these days. What has YouTube to offer? I miss my twitter account but I was schizophrenic on it. Not good. Sigh. I don’t even.