That state of mind. Where nothing is good and you don’t want to do anything. You have to force yourself to live. I should read, or else just keep watching streams. I don’t know. Expand my twitter account. I started another new one. It’s hard to restart. I always forget who to follow.

I’m … sad. Really sad. This isn’t right. All of this. I can’t believe it. There’s so much wrong. I walk into arguments. That is supposed to make it better. I don’t know. How my brain. How. How you and me. Do we do these things? Do we make it? Do we make it in […]

I believe the weekend is ending and I didn’t even do anything. It’s tough. Life. I don’t get it. I wish it weren’t this way. I wish things were more fulfilling. The parents are downstairs watching a movie. Should I be nice and stay and watch with them? I’m at my computer in my room […]

Finished vol. 1 of No. 6. Went out with the family minus dad. With the family means minus dad. That’s just what it means. We don’t go out with him anymore. That causes trouble. He’s a psychopath. The violent bad mannered kind. He gets into fights and causes civil problems. =/ He spat behind people […]


Studied some coursera (woo woo!) but my imagination is ovewhelming. I really think I am in love! That’s not the point. I also am reading No. 6 the manga (I love manga! =D) and finishing up Spool, Nick’s out of my life (I hope…), so for now, going to play tennis with my brother who […]

Some advice from ghosts. Fucking ghosts are stupid man. I still get short of breath, modern medicine isn’t even that smart, you’re telling me ghosts are proselytizing. Sheesh. Life’s good without Nick. Not that he would actually say Hey let’s do something this weekend. He just doesn’t do it. Last night was horrible for my […]

Going to bed for the night. I really want to try to pursue this russian girl… it may take a few years or just a reasonable offer. And a level headed rejection. Somehow. We’ll see. I don’t know how to do this. She just wants my nuts. That’s more or less it. But maybe more. […]

I met two lovely Russian pianists today. The first was an angel who suffered. The second was the woman I fell in love with. I don’t know if any of this is real, you guys. I’m a terrible person for everything I say. But really. No. No? I do a lot of weird stuff. I […]


The world has got me at an interesting moment, though, for usre. We only understand this thorugh a rigorous scientific lens. None of this spiritual bullshit. Cuz that’s what it is. Fuck off about that. And really, it’s not real. Sorry to burst your romantic bubble. I’ve got to grow up. The depakote should level […]


I found this twitch streamer who is this angel beautiful girl. Age range approximation 13-20. Wow. I don’t even know. So pretty. And. And. She has chronic neuropathy in her hands. … It’s so sad. I wonder. I feel like, and this is my delusion too, but… there’s… soemthing to it… I feel like people […]