Unless you’re really good at aggrandizing things, the small painful moments are not so small. They are that painful.
I am starting to get… psychotic is the wrong word, I just found out, because it means violent. I’m not psychotic and have never been except three times I can remember in my life.
So. All I have to say… no, I have a lot to say.
All these demons. They’re real people. But they’re not real people. They’re memories of real people.
Everyone who tries to help me does more harm than good. Let’s be honest.
And it’s fucked.
How do I empty my mind? Meditation is out of the question. It’s too noisy, I’m too impatient, I don’t “tolerate” it, as the “professionals” say.
Geez. Fuck you all so much.
I’m so tired. Tonight better lighten up or I’m so fucked. The mental illness is not going so well. Kaiser’s crisis line is preeeetty useless. What an invention. To me, I mean. I shouldn’t have had to saaaaaaaaay thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat ;-)
So fuck you.