I’m so fucked in the head, wow. Help. No don’t. You’ll only make it worse. I’m not asking for attention, that would make me liable. Etc. etc…

I don’t know why people stalk me so adamantly on the internet then no cyberpolice get called on those punks.

Sigh…

Crime.

Baby brother is a criminal. He gets so angry he commits crime. =/

I see it. In my inner eye. He invades my mind against my will. Also a crime.

To invade someone’s psyche is a crime.

People I wish I hadn’t met. Oh well.

I’m sure no one will know what I mean.

And spy on me from miles away.

The neighbors do!

Fuck. Internet neighbors too.

Sigh.

It’s going to be a long night.

What does it feel like to be normal? I haven’t felt normal in so long. I want to feel normal.

I’ll be playing tennis for a bit with middle brother Sunday. Then I might feel a little more normal for a small bit of time after that. Then the nightmare of regular life comes back.

It’s surprising I haven’t killed myself yet.

I’ve never been suicidal though.

It’s been so bad. I have memories of how bad it’s been.

It’s been so bad.

And it’s horrifying to think how bad it can be.

I’m obsessed with mental illness. My mom thinks I’m obsessed with people.

Russell is an ultimate evil. He streams on twitch, too. I won’t go any more than that. That’s fucking anonymous, losers. Get real.

But it’s pingback sorta. Like you speak of him he speaks of you. Or at least it’s possible.

I wish I had been thinking and talking of physics the whole time.

What a waste of life. Humans.

Yes sir.

I have to stop sooner or later.

I wish I could just go as long as it made me happy.

But I’ve learned not to because I had drug addictions. Now I know.

Who is a qualified life coach.

Tyvm.

It’s bullshit btw.

Oh good we flicked one away no wait it came back how fast you type is more important than how well you edit because the demons are physiological.

Eh.

I’m fucked.

It’s 11:30.

I wish I could go to bed.

I don’t just want to TAKE a bath. I want to ENJOY taking a bath.

Where does joy come from?

Exercise? Mainly?

Hard work?

I don’t know how to do either.

I think I have a problem.

I texted my mom some big life changes are necessary. We have an indoor bike downstairs.

I’m not that fat. But I have high standards of myself.

I guess.

All knowing other.

-_-

I give up…

I could go on forever.

I never push myself to see how long it lasts.

Because of the drugs lesson.

I guess that’s an excuse, too.

Not enough good influences in my life.

Some people blame that!

Oh hold on a moment, text from mom. And everyone go apeshit psychic. Thanks fuckers.

Neighbors fucking blow.

Mom says try something other than the screen.

I can take a bath. I should hygiene it’s true. So this counts to good points.

More exercise?

Never enough.

=(

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