One thing’s for sure: My visual acuity is torn to shreds. It’s so painful. And I have this ultimate delusion with youtubers that they pay attention to no one but me. That is so ridiculous. I must feel special. Ugh. Truth it it’s painful. I’m supposed to be looking here. Now here. Now here. It’s […]

Some personal philosophy

My attitude so far has been to carry on ignoring it or whatever letting it live, the parasite it is, to the side, while I just kind of let it suck off me. I’ve had this conversation before, in my fate fantasy or irl. You have to squash it. This parasite, this thing, that whips […]

I interpret likes as sarcastic asides, blows at my ego, at me personality. Like, yelling at me, I don’t have the words. Getting into a fight with me. Making fun of me. I interpret my family’s love as sardonic. I interpret the civility of the strangers as shitting on my windshield because they don’t like […]

I think I am now so scarred by baby brother and his scene that I, or was it nightmares that did it, delusions and psychotic episodes of him that amplify and compound?, baby brother, that I’m scared of him now. I’m scared of his ghost. Of course ghosts aren’t real. But it’s impulsive and instinctive. […]

What Can Say!

I slept through a large part of the day after we got home from tennis. Nick wouldn’t understand what I’m doing right now. He’d be, think of the viewers, they haven’t caught up yet. Fuck you, man, I have got things to say I’m saying them. Fuck off. Brother middle at the park and vocally […]

Do I summarize the goings on of the day or go off on a philosophical tangent? I see all of you spirits are lowlifes in disguise. So hopefully they deport you but if that is acceted in this country–no who am I kidding, double standards rule. I’m doomed. Thanks, fuckers. Well we just played tennis, […]

a plea…

I feel like, something along the lines of, the 50s are returning through politics, and it’s ruining the mood, causing depression, and police dictatorship, and we need somehow to stop it or change the flow of things. I believe in that strongly, and that it’s through literature, and that good literature can have a powerful […]

I’m so confused. What is going on? It’s so odd. What is going on? I want to be lucid again. The things I want and the people influencing me not to get them. it seems the people who love me make my life worse. I am coming to that conclusion. Mom loves me and is […]

Should I Just Leave?

What I want is not so unreasonable. I just want as much time as it takes to figure out what it is I need in life. I need a soul searching break. I guess some people get that, too. They go to Taiwan or wherever and search for their soul. I don’t intend on going […]