I was dreaming this morning, which is why I woke up late. It always seems i wake up, my consciosness ruins my life. My mentality. My mood. -_-
Why can’t I enjoy being alive? It’s such a blessing? Well there are no such thing as blessings, it just is what it is, so feel like shit if you want to, seriously, that’s reality.
Hmm yeah good.
Just what I needed.
I thought I was out of propranolol. There was another 20 mg bottle in the bag of pills they gave mom. They gave her a lot. None of it’s scheduled except my suboxone which she picks up separately.
I’m scared of republicans. They seem so stupid and logic-less and like, of one mind. With them or against them, don’t be yourself. No goodness, no grace. No love. They’re evil, man. And in Texas they want to make it harder to vote. Other things. Overthrow it requiring EVIDENCE to overturn an election? What they want, Africa? They want America to be Africa? Jesus, losers. Losers.
I am paying back my brother who invested some money on my behalf.
He is such a good relative. All my family is amazing. Even father who abused me… never mind.
I am playing tennis with brother today.
I don’t like paranoia. the worry is so painful. It’s such a waste. I hope the depakote works. It has so far. Doctor is increasing my dose to reach a higher blood concentration.
There’s so much to discuss isn’t there. It’s hard in monologue form. But it’s all I have available as I have no friends to discuss it with. Nick always offered a phone call. That was kind of him. I wanted to text. He didn’t offer that. Stubborn brat. I don’t get it. Why one but not the other?
Sore today. I don’t know why.
Technology. I’m not, I don’t really like politics, cuz that usually means fighting evil. I wish it were more civil. =/
I wish compromises were easier to come by and made everyone happy. Republicans suck.