Mom goes to work in half an hour And I shit you not I sincerely wonder how I will on Earth survive half an hour longer In this misery This misery of my mind God I am in so much pain Wow As if someone had died No one’s died

Life is Not Good

There’s no meaning to life. Do I behave by the rules or by my own moral compass? They often disagree, which is why I accuse society of being a police state so often. I started reorganizing some of my laundry, deep cleaning it that is. Deep reorganizing, to be specific. What to donate, which drawer […]

I don’t know what to do. I’m tired, panicked, anxious, psychotic, delusional, worried, guilty, and terrified all at the same time. What do these meds even do. Anything at all? If this is me on them for how many years now, you really do have to ask if modern medicine knows what it’s doing AT […]

I’m starting to see things I didn’t see before. I still see anger in places. I still don’t know if it’s real. Luttrell in Sac tomorrow night. They aren’t talking about mask policy so I don’t know if I will go. I mean, I am vaccinated, fully. He plays mostly deepish (not that deep) lovey […]

Wow. What? I am so zoned right now. Relaxed. Yummy. I took 10 mg extra propranolol as recommended by my psychiatrist for anxiety and 2 hours earlier than normal and now I’m so relaxed. Wow medicine can work! Miraculous. Everything’s NOT a total fucking failure after all! Also I love vidya games. I so desperately […]

I’m like, horrified that I could turn psychotic soon for the evening. Not violent, just crazy. Sigh… And at the same time I’m depressedly not wanting to do anything. Really not feeling good. These meds. I don’t know. Is it just me?