I feel like many people are trying to gain access to my mind, to make a fool of me, to demonize me and infect me with their evil.
I still have schizoaffective disorder. It’s just being out of shape and therefore your brain doesn’t work that well. That’s all. It can be very scary if you’re not used to it, like I am.
So. I try to read poetry but it is exercise and I can’t read as much as I want.
I have to remember I was out of it for many years, on drugs like kratom and caffeine coffee and originally marijuana. So I was indulging in the pleasant things in life and not exercising my brain along the way.
Well I just wish I had a degree in engineering. I do, but it’s more like biology than engineering. It’s not even bioengineering. So who would want me for what startup and why, in God’s sake.
In any case, Twitch still triggers me. I get telepathy from the streamers, them being very police state-y and evil and such. They’re also very nice and proper. But also telepathically, police state. It’s frustrating not knowing what to trust when you’re so delusional like me.
Therapy doesn’t work very well. I continue to go.
Reading Anne Sexton and want to get back into the postmodern American classics book. Wish to read math books on my Kindle, as well. Hmm. What else…
I wonder if anyone is scared of me. Interesting though. Or not, in the least.
Well I just want something easy to do but right now I don’t have anything like that so I have to read which is difficult, or turn off the lights and induce sleep which feels so unnatural. Or I don’t know what else. Everything in life is an option.
I don’t know.
Oh yeah. My point which I forgot mid-way through writing this post, was, not everything you feel or think is true. So it goes.